Sitting here, I can’t fight back the tears that well up until they spill over and come crashing down as hard as the aching in my chest. A crippling feeling hits the pit of my stomach as goosebumps slowly crawl from my tips to my very core, yet a smile dances upon my lips. As much as the memory of you leaves a bitter taste, I can’t help shyly smiling because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. The once upon a time of us made me who I am today, even if I can’t quite stand who I’ve become. Now my whole being is crawling with the goosebumps left by the memory. If only those small, temporary bumps were the only scars you left behind. Those marks don’t have to be covered in public; they could be due to a fever or a cold sea breeze. I look out upon the ocean and then down at my dangling legs. As I lay back, I feel the splintered wood cut into my bare, sun-kissed shoulders. This was where we began on a night much like this. The gulf breeze blew my hair across my face but I didn’t stir to fix it. My vision too blurred by the tears made it a pointless gesture. Breathing heavily, my back arched against the hard dock until it slowed to the rhythm of the waves. The solitary sea gull cawing in the distance reminded me of myself. Confused, alone, calling out to no one, too late. Getting intoxicated by the salt air, I try to remember that this is all for the better, I am bigger than this, and I am bigger than the raw sores you left me with. Pushing myself up from the worn planks, my bare feet grip the rough edge, toes flirting with the open air beneath them. I draw a breath. Once more I am drunk with the salty scent. I turn my back to the waves and begin my journey back to the shore, but catch myself being summoned. Without pause I turn around and run. I can feel the cracks in the boards beneath me. Freedom is coming. Freedom from him, from myself, from life itself. I dive in.
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