Truth.

Today I was awoken in a startling way. No it wasn't by some outside force or by the dream where you are falling into a pit of darkness searching for something to grasp onto as you imagine where the tunnel might end. But at the same time it was a dream of falling into a dark pit of despair and never-ending tunnel, yet I had something to grasp onto. A way to pull myself out.
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Last night I dreamed of my friends, a happy little dream, the weather was perfect as a cloudless horizon stretched out above me and dew-soaked grass lay beneath my feet. I was happy, we were happy, life was perfect. But for some reason, among all this beauty and perfection, I found myself growing anxious. I was worried about changing my outfit. A trifle, girly matter, but for me in the dream it was of grave importance. My friend told me that my outfit was fine, beautiful in fact, and he encouraged others to chime in. They did. And told me that my outfit didn't matter as we were all together and enjoying the glorious day. 
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For some reason, I still did not believe them. And so kind words continued to pour in. Beginning to realize that my outfit did not matter, I smiled, until my friend turned sharply to face me and I was met with a conviction. 
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What are you doing to glorify God? In all that is surrounding you, why does your outfit matter? Why do material things matter? What better can you do if you have one a better outfit? Tell me. What good is it for God?
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Mouthing words, I could not make them audible.
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We cannot leave until you tell me what you have done for Him lately.
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Suddenly, we are in a car heading toward a thunderstorm as I find myself searching for what I have done for Him who has done so much for me. He who has given me more than I can humanly fathom, yet I can't explode with good deeds in his name. I manage to mumble a few acts as I am met by the warm embrace of my friend.
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I just wanted to put things in perspective for you. I am proud of you and with our help you will continue to glorify Him. Now let's enjoy this day.

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Startled, I awoke from my slumber. Still trembling, my mind zooming in a million different places.
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I leave the comforts of my bed and prepare for the day, still thinking about this conviction, this conviction of my dreams that was all too real and unlike any other I have experienced. Even now, as I write this memory, I am reminded that it is all too easy to become preoccupied. To wander aimlessly until you fall into that pit of darkness, scrambling for a handhold, for a way out. But there is always a way to awaken from the dream of falling as long as you continue to search for it.

Arthritis.

Perf.

If you're a novelist, you know that paradise is in the palm of your hand, and on the end of your nose, because both are alive; and alive, and man alive, which is more than you can say, for certain, of paradise.- D. H. Lawrence

Rain.

Holy Rainstorm Batman!!! :D

 

 

Oh - and I have a new favorite Warbler- Jon Hall <3

 yes please.

Happiness.

My new goal is to be happy. Truly happy. Forever and always. As happy as I pretend to be on the outside, I want to truly be on the inside. No more facades. No more emotional roller coasters. No more trying to please everyone but deny myself. Being completely honest and as transparent as I can be, I am going to write down what makes me happy. Judge as you want, but please voice your opinions directly to me rather than to others. I need to smile. I need to accept myself. I mean, isn't that the first step? :)

Disney channel

Dyed hair

Mis-matched socks

Gilmore Girls

Glee music

Music

The sounds of a busy music hall

The smell of chlorine in the morning

Nail polish

My home-away-from home- All Children's

Libraries

The smell of old books

Wandering aimlessly by myself

Laying in the grass, watching the sky

Writing

Singing

Dancing

Billy Joel

Hugs

Ice cold swimming pools

Interesting.

Neglect.

Due to my new-found nightly ritual of watching Gilmore Girls (LOVEEEEEEEEEE), I have sadly neglected posting in here. How. Horrible.

But alas! Talking in Latin and discussing A Team reminded me of being a geek and thus of my blog! (I am also using too many exclamation points so I shall try to stop from here on out.)

Tonight I discovered an epic right to feed the Harry Potter nerd inside us all- Tom Riddle's Diary

Also tonight, I have decided that I want to make a cake as cute as this one. 

Which shall hopefully happen when I get back to Orlando

Love.

Agreed.

Dear Young Me

So True <3

Young me full of dreams,

 There are a few things I want you to know… I wish you could know this when you are feeling lonely, sad and want to give up. First, Those bully’s in school are worthless bastards who will be stuck in a miserable little life and will never matter. Second, you will lose that pudgy round body and you will receive a lot of attention from boys. Ignore them for a while. You don’t need a man to define who you are…when you are ready, be sure you choose the one who allows you to be yourself and encourages you to live your dreams! Third, Read, Read, Read!!! I know it is difficult to concentrate, but it is important. Your mind is capable of many things! Forth, Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are loved. Because you truly are!!!

-Dreams do come true.